


One Last Time

by molstrom



Series: Wait For It [7]
Category: Sons of Anarchy, Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27553789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molstrom/pseuds/molstrom
Summary: Follows "Stay Alive". Funerals...It's gonna be a sad one, guys.
Relationships: Veronica Mars/Jax Teller
Series: Wait For It [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968967
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. One

When we get to Neptune, I give Jax directions to the Clayton house. As we stop in front of the house I take a deep breath.  
“Maybe I should go in alone.”  
“No. We are a family and we are going to do this as a family.”  
“Yeah…Okay.”  
I get out of the car and take Xander out of his car seat, setting him on my hip before starting to walk up to the front door with Jax carrying Abel. 

Jax rings the bell before I can chicken out and says:  
“Breathe, baby.”  
I take a deep breath as the door opens and Mrs. Clayton is standing there. She looks at me for a second and then focuses on Xander. She reaches to take him out of my arms and says:  
“Alexander…oh, my sweet grandson. Where is Norris?”  
“Mrs. Clayton…”  
I gasp and I can’t continue to speak. Her eyes fill with tears and she says:  
“When?”  
“This morning. It was Liam Fitzpatrick and Danny Boyd. We killed them.”  
“Good girl. This must be Jax…Norris, I mean Juice told me about you.”  
“When did you talk to him?”  
“When you were in the hospital. Come inside, dears.”

We follow her into the house and she sits on the couch and says:  
“Sit down, Veronica. Jax, hand me my other grandson.”  
Jax places Abel on her lap and sits next to me, interlacing our fingers.

She looks at Abel and says:  
“What’s your name?”  
“Abel.”  
“And how old are you?”  
“Three.”  
“What do you call Daddy’s mommy?”  
“Grandma.”  
“What about Mommy’s mommy?”  
“Grammy…But Grammy doesn’t look like Mommy. She’s not Mommy’s real Mommy. Just like Mommy isn’t my real Mommy.”  
“You’re a clever one, aren’t you?”  
Abel looks at me in confusion. I say:  
“It means you’re smart, baby.”  
“Oh. Yeah. Mommy says I am.”  
“What do you think you should call me?”  
“I don’t know. You’re Dad’s mommy, right?”  
“Yes, I am.”

I say:  
“Why don’t we call you Nana?”  
She nods and says:  
“That works for me. Abel, Do you want to go see the room Dad grew up in?”  
Abel nods and she says:  
“Veronica, go take him in. It’s just the same as it was when he left.”  
“You kept everything the same?”  
“I kept hoping he would come home.”

I stand up and kiss her head, both of us with tears in our eyes before I take Abel’s hand and say:  
“Come with me, sweetheart.”  
We walk down the hallway and I open the door to Norris’s room…I can’t seem to think of him as Juice here, in this house…Abel and I walk in and I look around and start sobbing. Abel lets go of my hand and when I drop to my knees crying, he curls up on my lap, snuggling into me.  
“You miss Dad, Mommy?”  
“Yeah, baby. I do. This is where I fell in love with him. This was his room when we were teenagers.”

I feel Jax walk into the room behind me. He kneels on the floor and wraps his arms around me.  
“I’m so sorry, baby.”  
“I told you. It wasn’t your fault.”  
“He was alone because of me.”  
“He was alone because he was the computer guy. None of this was your fault.”  
“He should have been at breakfast with us.”  
“Jackson…Yes. Alright? Is that what you want me to say? Yes. I blame you because you sent him away. He should have been with us. He shouldn’t have been alone. But I blame Vinnie for opening his big mouth, Dad for helping Kendall all those years ago, Kendall for stealing from Liam in the fucking first place, and myself for being too weak to kill Liam the last time I interacted with him.”

I feel Jax’s tears on my neck as he whispers:  
“I loved him.”  
“He loved you. And he knew how much we all loved him, Jax.”  
I turn my head and kiss Jax before taking a deep breath and saying:  
“We need to figure out if we’re burying him in Charming or here.”  
“Charming. He was SAMCRO. He gets buried as SAMCRO.”  
“Then I want to move Angelica, so she’s buried with her Dad.”  
“That makes sense.”  
“When are we doing the funeral?”  
“I’m sure Mom already has plans started. Should we call her?”  
“Yeah. Let’s go out to the living room. Abel is asleep. Can you carry him? My arm hurts.”  
“Of course.”

He stands up and takes Abel off of my lap, walking back out to the living room. I stand up and walk around Norris’s room, lightly touching things as I go. On his bookcase, I find 10 journals and 2 photo albums. I pull them out and flip through the photo albums. The first one is filled with Norris’s school pictures and pictures from his birthday parties in elementary school, the ones we were all invited to. The second album is full of pictures of me on pep squad and of Norris and me together. The journals are all dated, and I flip through one of the ones from when we were dating. It’s filled with song lyrics, poetry, sketches, and lines from movies…All about love…and me.

I pick the books up and walk out to the living room. I say:  
“Can I have these?”  
“Of course, sweetheart.”  
I put the stack of books on the coffee table and sit next to Jax.  
“Okay. Call the queen.”

Jax dials Gemma’s number and puts it on speaker.  
“Jackson?”  
“Mom. I assume you’ve done your queen shit and started planning Juice’s funeral?”  
“Of course. Day after tomorrow. Full club honours. The other charters are coming.”  
“Veronica wants to move Angelica and have her buried with Juice.”  
“I’ll make some calls. Same grave? Shared headstone?”  
I say:  
“Please, Gemma.”  
“I’ll handle it, baby. When will you be home?”  
“Tomorrow.”  
“Okay. How are you, baby?”  
“How were you when JT died, Gemma?”  
“That good, huh? We all love you, baby. Come home.”  
“Tomorrow. Thank you, Gemma.”  
Jax hangs up and says:  
“Mrs. Clayton, you and Mr. Clayton are welcome to stay at my house when you come to Charming for the funeral.”

She shakes her head and says:  
“We’re not coming, dear. We want a relationship with the two of you and our grandsons, but we said goodbye to our son a long time ago. I can’t watch him be put in the ground.”  
She stands up and walks over to her bookcase before pulling a couple of books out and picking up papers from behind where the books previously were. She carries them over to the couch and hands them to me.  
“Read them. Especially that one.”

She points to one at the bottom of the stack. I open the letter and see Norris’s writing:  
‘Mom, Why didn’t you tell me Veronica was pregnant? I would have come home…Now it’s too late. She’ll never forgive me for not being there. I’ve lost her forever…Her and our daughter. You should have told me. The first I heard about my daughter should not have been a tearful voicemail from Dad after her funeral! I can’t come home now…Please be there for Veronica…Tell her that I love her. I’ve always loved her. I love you. -Norris.’

On the back of the letter, he had written:  
‘There are moments that the words don’t reach. There is suffering too terrible to name. You hold your child as tight as you can and push away the unimaginable. The moments when you’re in so deep, it feels easier to just swim down.’

I start crying again and say:  
“He knew? He knew the whole time?”  
“After her funeral, yeah, baby…he knew.”  
“He…he told me he didn’t know.”  
“I think he just didn’t want to cause you any more pain than he already had.”  
“So he lied to me? For years?”  
“Not the smartest course of action, I admit.”  
“I can’t handle this right now…I can’t handle knowing that he lied to me for years…not about this…not today.”

I put the letters in my purse and say:  
“Are you really not coming to his funeral?”  
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just can’t watch my only child be put in the ground.”  
“Okay. But you’ll have a relationship with the kids?”  
“Yes. Of course.”  
“Good. They need you.”  
“We need them too, sweetheart. You should go see your Dad now.”  
“Yeah…okay.”


	2. Two

The next day we leave Dad’s house as Dad, Mom, and the brothers leave. We all drive to Charming, us going home and the others going to Jax’s house. When we get home, the boys are both sleeping, so we change Xander’s diaper and transfer them to their beds. I close the door as we leave the room and we walk to our room. I unpack our bags and Jax takes the laundry to throw it in the washer. 

When he comes back into the room he says:  
“Do you want to take a nap, babe? You seemed tired in the car.”  
“I don’t want to sleep, but can you just hold me for a while?”  
“Yeah…of course.”  
We lie down on the bed and he pulls me into his arms. I rest my head on his chest so I can hear his heartbeat and say:  
“We have Juice’s funeral tomorrow, Weevil’s the day after, and Piney’s the day after that…I feel like I need a break already. I hate funerals. I know, everyone hates funerals, but I feel like they are totally inappropriate. I don’t want that many people in my house on a happy occasion.”  
“I know how you feel, Veronica. At least none of anything is happening here. The wakes for Juice and Piney will both happen at the clubhouse, and the wake for Weevil is happening at Marcus’s house.”  
“And no-one but me is allowed to go to that.”  
“Yeah…I tried to convince him to let me come with you, but he said no.”  
“It’s okay. Nothing is going to happen to me at Marcus’s house.”

I listen to his heartbeat as we lie there in silence for a while. I don’t notice that I’m crying until I realize that his shirt is wet. He runs his fingers through my hair and says:  
“If I could spare his life. If I could trade his life for mine. He’d be standing here right now, and you would smile, and that would be enough. I don’t pretend to know, the challenges we’re facing. I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost, and you need time. But I’m not afraid. I know who I married. Just let me stay here by your side. That would be enough.”  
“Song lyrics?”  
“Yeah…They were in one of those journals of his.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you…I would trade places with him if I could, babe.”  
“No. I don’t want you gone either. You being gone instead of him wouldn’t make me any less sad.”  
“He was the love of your life, Veronica. I’m the guy you just started dating.”  
“He was the love of my life…yeah. But you are the guy that I have loved for years. I am so in love with you. I don’t want to lose you any more than I wanted to lose him."  
“Veronica...”  
“Yes, Jackson?”  
“I need you. I need to feel how much you love me. I need you to feel how much I love you.”

I shift my body so I’m straddling him before leaning down to kiss him.   
“Whatever you need, Jax.”  
He reaches up and pulls my shirt over my head before taking my bra off and flipping us so he’s above me. I pull his shirt off and kiss him again as he runs his hands over me. When he moves his mouth off of mine so he can kiss my neck I say:  
“I love you, Jackson.”  
I feel his tears as his shoulders start to shake. I wrap my arms around him and gently run my fingers through his hair.  
“Let it out, love. I’m right here. Everything will be okay.”  
I hold him as he sobs until the front door opens and I hear Gemma say:  
“Jax? Veronica?”  
“One minute, Gemma.”

Jax rolls off of me and says:  
“I need to take a minute.”  
“Okay.”  
I put my shirt on and walk out to the living room, hugging Gemma when I get close to her.

We sit on the couch and she pulls some papers out of her purse.  
“You need to sign this consent form for Angelica to be moved. Also, I need you to approve the headstone design.”  
“Yeah…Okay.”  
I read the form for moving Angelica and sign it, handing it back to Gemma before picking up the design for the headstone. 

It’s a double headstone, with Angelica’s information on one side, and Juice’s on the other. Angelica’s side has a picture of a praying angel, ‘Angelica Lianne Clayton’, her birth and death date, and ‘Beloved daughter and sister’ on it. Juice’s has a picture of the reaper, ‘Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz’, his birth and death dates, and ‘Beloved husband, father, and brother’ on it.

I sign the page to approve the design, and Gemma says:  
“I heard from your Mom, sweetheart.”  
“Lianne? Why?”  
“I guess Keith called her. She says she is coming to the funeral.”  
“Just her, or my siblings and stepdad too?”  
“I don’t know, baby.”  
“Oh, goody. A surprise. Exactly what I need tomorrow.”  
“I know, love. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault, Gemma. This is just how Lianne is.”  
“I bought suits for the kids. Jax will wear his cut like the other guys. You have a black dress, right?”  
“A few. All appropriate for a funeral…Thankfully, since I have three in the next three days.”  
“The wake will be at the clubhouse. I want you to sing something…Tomorrow and at Piney’s.”  
“Yes, ma’am.”  
“No arguments?”  
“No. Do you have a preference for what I sing?”  
“I actually do have a couple of suggestions.”  
“I’m open to suggestions…I feel pretty spent emotionally, I don’t think I’d be able to choose on my own.”  
“Tomorrow, you and I should sing ‘Without You’ from Rent. For Piney you should sing ‘Hallelujah’…He really loved that song.”  
“Okay…”

I trail off and Gemma says:  
“What, baby?”  
“I don’t know how to do this without him, Gemma.”  
“Yes, you do. You’re doing it. I loved Juice like my own child, Veronica, but you have always been stronger than him. This club is your home. You could do this on your own if you had to, but you don’t. You have Jax, and the whole club behind you. You and my grandbabies will be just fine.”

Before I can say anything, Jax comes out of the bedroom and sits on the couch behind me before lifting me onto his lap and pressing his face into my neck. Gemma reaches for his hand, taking it in hers before she squeezes it and says:  
“What about you, Jax? How are you doing, baby?”  
“Not great. I loved him, Mom.”  
“I know, baby. You know that the other charters can’t know, right?”  
“Yeah. I know. I’ll be in control of my emotions tomorrow, but I am going to hold Veronica. The other charters can kiss my ass.”  
“That’s allowed. You’re comforting the old lady who is raising your son. I mean, we’re not going to be able to convince Abel not to call her Mommy tomorrow, so we’re going to have to acknowledge that she is raising him.”

I say:  
“Why can’t we acknowledge that I belonged to both Jax and Juice? Like, I understand not acknowledging that Jax and Juice loved each other, but there are no bylaws about two club members sharing an old lady.”  
Gemma nods slightly and says:  
“True. There are no bylaws about it, but baby, they might think things about you that aren’t true.”  
“Let them. I don’t care. Jax is my family and was Juice’s family and I won’t let him be sidelined because a bunch of pricks will think bad things about me. Besides, we both know they are going to think those things anyway. I’m sure there isn’t a single one of them that hasn’t seen one of my movies.”  
“Alright. Do you want me to take the boys for the rest of the day today and overnight? I can get them ready for the funeral tomorrow and take them with Clay and me. Let you two have some time together to mourn.”

I feel Jax nod against my neck and he says:  
“Yeah, Mom, that would be good. Thank you.”  
“Are they napping right now?”  
“Yes.”  
“Come help me get them.”

A few minutes later, Gemma and the boys are gone and Jax is locking the door behind them.


	3. Three

He walks over to the couch and lays down with his head in my lap. I run my fingers through his hair and say:  
“What are you thinking, babe?”  
“How long do I have to wait before I can propose to you?”  
“I’m not marrying you, Jax.”  
“Why?”  
“I was only ever going to be married once. He was it. I’m not getting married again. I love you, but…Juice…Norris…he was my husband.”  
“He was your husband…marrying me now that he’s gone doesn’t change that.”  
“Jax…Can we not talk about this right now? I love you…I love you so much, but I can’t think about marrying you the day before I watch the love of my life be put in the ground.”  
“I’m sorry. Forget I brought it up.”  
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Jax.”  
“You didn’t. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”  
“Sit up.”

He sits up and I climb across the couch to straddle his lap. I put my hands on his face and say:  
“I love you. I love you so, so much.”  
“I love you. I won’t bring it up again. I don’t mean to hurt you.”  
“I know.”  
I press my forehead into his and we just sit there for a while until he says:  
“Can we go to bed? I just need to hold you.”  
“Yeah, baby. Okay.”  
We go into the bedroom, stripping as we go, and climb into bed. I curl into him with my head on his chest and we both fall asleep clinging to each other.

The next morning I’m in the shower when he walks in behind me.   
“Let me wash your hair, babe.”  
“Sure. I’m going to need your help drying and curling it too. Can you handle that?”  
“Yeah. I can.”

Once we’re ready we head to the clubhouse to meet the rest of the guys for the funeral procession. When we get to the clubhouse, all of the guys hug me and Chibs says:  
“How are you doing sweetheart?”  
“I’m upright and not crying so hard I throw up, so…better than I expected, honestly.”

The hearse pulls into the lot, followed by two town cars, and we all walk outside to meet them. Gemma, the boys, and I get into one town car and Dad, Mom, Wallace, and Darrell get into the other. All the guys get on their bikes and the procession starts with the hearse in front, then the SAMCRO guys, the two town cars, then all the guys from the other charters.

When we get to the cemetery, Eli and Rita walk over to me and hug me before taking the boys from me. We walk over to the seats and the family sits in the front row, with dad on one side of me and Gemma on the other. Lyla, Kenny, and Ellie are sitting on the side with Gemma, and Mom, Wallace, and Darrell are sitting on the side with Dad. Eli passes Abel to Gemma and Rita passes Xander to Dad. The SAMCRO guys are behind us. Jax has his hands on my shoulders, Clay has his on Gemma’s, and Opie has his on Lyla’s. When I turn my head, I can see that the other SAMCRO guys are standing close to Jax, occasionally touching him to let him know that they are there for him. 

As the ceremony starts, I see Lianne, a man, and two kids walking towards the grave. They stand on the opposite side from us and I see Lianne crying as the priest talks about Juice and Angelica.

I manage to maintain my composure until we all start going up to put flowers on the casket. When I stand up to put mine on, I start sobbing. Jax walks up and puts his flower down before wrapping his arms around me and whispering:  
“Just breathe, baby.”  
“Maybe the Claytons had the right idea. This is really hard.”  
“I know, sweetheart. It’s almost done. I’m right here with you.”  
We walk back over to the seats and as I sit down, I pull Xander out of Dad’s arms and hug him tightly to my chest. Gemma leans over and kisses my cheek before she says:  
“You’re doing good, baby.”

Everyone starts to leave before the casket starts being lowered, but I don’t move. Jax tightens his hands on my shoulders as we watch, and the rest of the family, Rita and Eli, and SAMCRO stay where they are to support us in our grief.

When I feel ready to leave, I stand up and everyone else follows suit. Jax reaches over and takes Xander from me as I kiss him.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too, Ronnie.”

Rita and Eli take the boys and Darrell and head to our house, and the rest of us go to the clubhouse for the wake.

The wake is a lot like any other party when all the Sons charters get together. Everyone is trying to focus on anything but the fact that Juice is gone. Jax and I stick around for a few hours and then we decide to go home. I walk over to Gemma and kiss her cheek before saying:  
“We’re heading out. I have Weevil’s funeral tomorrow, so I’m going to try to get some sleep.”  
“Will you be okay, baby?”  
“Of course. I’m a badass bitch.”  
“Yes, you are.”

When Jax and I get home, the boys are in bed and Darrell is asleep on the couch with Rita and Eli sitting next to him, talking quietly. I kiss both Rita and Eli on the cheek as they leave before I lock the door behind them. Jax spreads a blanket over Darrell and we head to bed.

A little while after we go to sleep I wake up to the sound of Abel screaming for Juice. I get out of bed and walk into the boys’ room. I kneel next to Abel’s bed and run my hand over his hair before saying:  
“Abel, sweetheart…did you have a bad dream?”  
“I want Dad.”  
“Oh, baby…So do I.”  
I climb into bed with him and pull him into my arms, pressing kisses against his hair as I quietly cry.

A little while later, I wake up as Jax picks Abel and I up and carries us to our room. He puts us down so Abel is in the middle of the bed, then lies down in his spot, pulling us both into his arms.


	4. Four

I wake up the next morning to the sound of Xander babbling in his room. For a second I find myself expecting to hear Juice’s voice answering him, and then it hits me that Juice is gone and I’ll never hear his voice again and I let out a loud sob. Jax moves his hand from my hip to my head and as he strokes my hair he quietly says:  
“I know, baby. I just had that moment of realization too. Just breathe. I’ll go get Xander.”

I whimper as he moves his hand away from me and gets out of bed, then Abel moves closer to me and says:  
“I love you, Mommy.”  
I tighten my arms around him and say:  
“Oh, buddy…I love you too.”  
“I miss Dad.”  
“Daddy and I do too, kiddo. But we’re still here for you. We aren’t going anywhere, love.”  
He snuggles closer to me and his breathing evens out as he goes back to sleep. 

When Jax walks in carrying Xander he says:  
“Babe, what time is Weevil’s funeral today?”  
I sigh and say:  
“Eleven.”  
“It’s nine now, love. You should get up and get ready.”  
“Yeah, I know…I just…”  
“What, Veronica?”  
“I don’t want to be away from you.”  
“It’s only a few hours, my love, and the boys and I will be right here when you get home.”  
“I’m not going to go to the wake. I just want to be home.”  
“Completely understandable. Get your ass out of bed and go shower.”  
“Fine.”

I carefully pull myself out from around Abel and kiss Xander on my way to the bathroom. As I start to close the bathroom door, there’s a knock on the front door. Jax looks at me and says:  
“Shower. I’ve got this.”  
“Okay.”  
He leaves the room and as I close the bathroom door, I hear him say:  
“You must be Lianne. Come in. Veronica’s just stepping into the shower, she has another funeral to attend this morning.”

I quickly shower and dress before leaving the bathroom. When I step into the bedroom, I notice that Abel is sitting up in bed.  
“Hey, buddy. You awake now?”  
“I hear voices.”  
“Yeah. I think we have company. Should we go join Daddy?”  
“Are you leaving, Mommy?”  
“In a little bit. But I won’t be gone long.”  
He climbs out of bed and we hold hands we walk out to the living room. Once we’re in the room he immediately lets go of my hand and climbs onto Jax’s lap on the couch. As he gets settled he says:  
“Who is the lady, Daddy?”  
I speak up and say:  
“She’s my mom, Abel.”  
“But your Mommy is black like Uncle Wallace and Uncle Darrell.”  
“This lady is my real mom, Abel. You know Grammy is not my real Mommy.”  
“Oh. Right.”

I turn to face Mom and say:  
“Why are you here?”  
“I came to comfort my daughter after the loss of her husband. I didn’t expect to find you living with another man already.”  
“Juice, Jax, and I were a family, Mom. You’d know that if you hadn’t cut me out for something I had no goddamn control over.”  
Before she can say anything, there’s a knock on the door. When I open it I find Eli and Rita on the porch.  
“Hey, guys. Come in.”  
As they step inside, Eli looks at Mom and says:  
“Oh, Veronica, I didn’t know you had company.”  
“It’s fine, Eli. This is my mother, Lianne.”

He holds his hand out to Mom and when she shakes it he says:  
“Sheriff Eli Roosevelt. This is my wife Rita.”  
“Lianne Scott.”  
“It’s nice to meet you.”  
I mutter under my breath:  
“You might regret saying that.”  
Rita wraps her arm around my waist and says:  
“How are you, sweetheart?”  
“Well…we buried the love of my life yesterday and we’re burying my best friend today, so…just peachy.”  
Eli says:  
“Do you want me to come to the funeral with you? I know Jax isn’t allowed to go.”  
I laugh and say:  
“So you think the Mayans would be okay with a sheriff tagging along with me?”  
“Valid point. How about we take the boys for a bit? Let them have some fun.”

Jax says:  
“That actually works for me. I have to go to chapel. I was going to get Mom to watch them, but if you want to take them, that’s even better since she’s still planning Piney’s funeral.”  
Mom says:  
“Oh. I was hoping to spend time with my grandson today.”  
I shake my head and say:  
“Lianne, you haven’t been in my life since I was 17. You are not taking either of my children anywhere.”  
“You only have one child, Xander.”  
“I have two sons. They are both sitting in front of you. If you cannot accept that, you can’t be in our lives. Abel is my child. I may not have birthed him, but I have been in his life since he was only a few months old. He is mine.”  
“At most he is your stepson, but since you and his father aren’t married, he really isn’t even that.”  
I take a deep breath and shake my head before saying:  
“Get out.”  
“You can’t be serious.”  
“Lianne, get the fuck out of my house. And get the hell out of Charming while you’re at it. You are not welcome here.”  
“Veronica, I am your mother.”  
“Alicia is my mother. You are the drunken whore who cheated on my saint of a father their whole marriage, who let me spend my college money on rehab she had no intention of finishing, who stole $50,000 from me when she left in the middle of the night the day I almost died and my daughter did die, and who hasn’t spoken to me since finding out that her husband watches my movies.”  
Lianne stands up and walks towards the door as she says:  
“Fine. I guess you don’t want to meet your siblings.”  
“Sibling. I mean, Aurora is just your stepdaughter, right?”  
“Don’t be like that.”  
“I’ll be any way I want to be, Lianne. Get out.”  
She opens the door and almost walks into Wallace and Logan. She ignores Wallace entirely and says:  
“Logan Echolls, what are you doing here?”  
“We’re here to take Ronnie to Weevil’s funeral. What the hell are you doing here, Lianne?”  
“I’m just leaving. My daughter kicked me out.”  
“Oh, well, let me get out of your way then. I wouldn’t want to impede your leaving.”  
He steps to the side and says:  
“Please, Lianne, after you.”  
Once she steps through the door, Wallace walks in and says:  
“You almost ready to go, Supafly? Marcus wants us there early.”  
“Yeah, little brother. Just give me a minute with the boys.”

I walk over to the couch and sit next to Jax before pulling Abel into my lap. I put my mouth next to his ear and say:  
“Nothing she just said is true. You are mine and I am yours. You understand me?”  
“Yes, Mommy.”  
“You want to spend the day with Uncle Eli and Aunty Rita?”  
“Yes, please.”  
“Okay, go get dressed. Daddy will be right in to help.”  
He jumps down off of my lap and runs into his room. Once he’s gone, I lean over and rest my head on Jax’s shoulder.  
“Just chapel, right?”  
“Yeah. I’ll be home before you are.”  
“You promise?”  
“Yes, my love. I promise. And if Eli and Rita are willing to hold onto the kids for the afternoon too, maybe we can go on a ride later?”

Eli nods and says:  
“We can hold onto the kids until after dinner, that’s fine. Spend some time together to mourn Juice.”  
“Thank you, Eli.”

I stand up and kiss Jax and Xander before grabbing my purse and walking over to Wallace and Logan.   
“I assume you can get the boys ready, love?”  
Jax nods and says:  
“I’m pretty sure I can handle it. I’ll be here when you get home. I love you.”  
“I love you.”

As we walk outside, Logan says:  
“You’re only going to be apart for a couple of hours. Was the I love you really necessary?”  
“Yes. Juice was only supposed to be away from us for a couple of hours too, and look what happened. I am so grateful that the last thing we said to each other was ‘I love you’. With our lives, you never know what’s going to happen. Seemingly excessive reminders of our love are the only way to get through it all.”  
“I didn’t think of it that way. It makes sense.”  
We get in the car with Wallace driving and head to the cemetery. When we get there, we find Marcus standing next to Weevil’s casket. I walk up behind him and slide my hand into his before resting my head on his shoulder.  
“What can I do, Marcus?”  
“Nothing, mi amor. I wanted you here early so I could tell you privately how sorry I am about Juice. I know how much you loved him.”  
“Death doesn’t discriminate. It just takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway…right?”  
“Has it fully hit you yet?”  
“This morning I heard Xander babbling in his crib and for a second I expected to hear Juice’s voice responding to him, and then I remembered that he’s gone. It was like I couldn’t breathe.”  
“And now we’re about to bury your best friend.”  
“Thank you for that, by the way. I know he was a traitor, you didn’t have to do this.”  
“He made a mistake. He was still family.”  
I kiss his cheek and he says:  
“Jax didn’t come with you?”  
“He didn’t think he’d be welcome, besides, Clay needed him.”  
“So Logan and Wallace are here?”  
“Yeah. We’re only staying for the service though…I just…”  
“Need to be alone to grieve?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I understand. Why don’t you go take a seat? Everyone else will be here soon.”

I sit down near the end of the front row with Wallace on one side of me and Logan on the other, both holding my hands. Once other people have arrived, the service begins. I end up quietly sobbing through the whole thing, and when I stand up to put a flower on the casket, my knees give out and Marcus jumps up to support me. He whispers in my ear:  
“You are the future queen of SAMCRO. I know this is a lot, but you need to show your strength. Be brave, princess.”  
I nod and stand up straight, putting the flower on the casket before walking back to my seat. When the service is over I kiss Marcus’s cheek before Wallace, Logan, and I walk to the car. 

The boys drop me off at home and when I walk in, I find Jax sitting on the couch. I smile at him as I close and lock the door behind me and say:  
“You’re home.”  
“I told you I would be.”  
“Is anyone else here?”  
“Nope, just us.”  
“Good.”  
I reach up under my dress and pull my panties off before walking over to him and undoing his pants. Once he’s accessible, I start rubbing his cock. His eyes roll back in his head and he says:  
“You want to forget, huh?”  
“Yes. Love me, Jax. Show me how much you love me.”  
When he gets hard, I straddle him and slowly lower myself onto him, sighing as he bottoms out. 

After we finish, I get cleaned up and change into a bike appropriate outfit. We go for a long ride, with me holding tight to him and resting my face on his back. When we eventually stop we’re at this tiny, out-of-the-way park and he leads me to a large tree next to the river. He sits facing the river with his back against the tree and pulls me down between his legs with my back against his chest. As he wraps his arms around me he says:  
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, Veronica. I know you aren’t ready to talk about it now, but when you are, I want to marry you.”  
I take a deep breath and say:  
“Okay.”  
“Okay?”  
“Okay, we can talk about it in a few months, okay? I know it’s what Juice would want, and I love you too.”  
He tightens his arms slightly and says:  
“I need to make sure that you know…I would never cheat on you.”  
“Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Why wouldn’t you cheat on me? You cheated on Wendy. You cheated on Tara. What makes me so damn special?”  
“All I have ever wanted to do, since the moment I saw you across the bar that night, is love you and protect you. You know I was working up the nerve to come to talk to you when Juice followed you into the bathroom? I was convinced that I had fucked up, that you would go home with him that night…But then you both came out of the bathroom upset and all I wanted to do was comfort you. Why wouldn’t you let me drive you home that night?”  
“Because I was thrown when I saw him…I didn’t understand why Norris would treat me that way. I was vulnerable and honestly? As soon as I saw you that night I wanted to take you to bed. I knew if I let you take me home I would have fucked you.”  
“I could have had you all along?”  
“No, Jax…I was always his. If we had gone home together that night, it would have just been a one-night stand. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. This took us longer, but I love you so much I can barely stand it. This was better.”  
He kisses the side of my neck and says:  
“You’re right…This was better.”


	5. Five

When we get home later there’s a note from Dad next to Jax’s house keys on the coffee table.   
‘Darling Daughter, we went home. I will call you in a few days. If you need anything before then, you call me. I love you, Jax, and the boys.’

I look at Jax and say:  
“We have a couple of hours before Eli and Rita bring the boys back, what do you want to do?”  
“Honestly?”  
“Uh…Yeah.”  
“Can we just lie on the couch together? I just want to hold you.”  
“Of course.”

He lies down on the couch and I lay down on top of him, tucking my head under his chin. He runs his hands along my spine and says:  
“How are you babe? Really?”  
“Shitty. I miss him. And I’m nauseous…like, all the time.”  
“Grief? Or morning sickness?”  
“Shit. You’re right. I need to take a test.”  
“I’ll go to the store later, okay?”  
“Yeah. Okay.”  
“You want it to be his, right?”  
“Don’t you?”  
“I want you to be pregnant with my baby, but…yeah. I want it to be his.”  
I start crying and say:  
“This isn’t how things were supposed to go. He’s supposed to be here. We barely made a start. We were supposed to have more time.”  
He tightens his arms around me and says:  
“I know, Ronnie. Let it out, baby.”

I keep crying as he rubs my back and I must fall asleep because the next thing I know, I’m in bed with both kids next to me and Jax is nowhere to be seen.  
“Jax?”  
When he doesn’t answer, I get up and walk into the living room. After checking all the rooms I realize that he’s not home, so I send him a text:  
‘Where are you?’  
I get a response right away saying:  
‘Just pulled into the driveway.’

As he walks into the house I launch myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he says:  
“I just had to go to the store, baby. What’s wrong?”  
“I woke up and you weren’t here. You can’t leave while I’m sleeping, Jax. What if something happened to you? You can’t…I can’t lose you too.”  
“I’m sorry, Veronica…I’m right here, sweetheart. I didn’t expect you to wake up while I was gone. I’m sorry.”  
“I’m sorry I’m a little crazy…I just…I’m so scared of losing you too.”  
“I’m not going anywhere, Veronica. I promise.”  
“You and I both know you can’t promise that, Jax.”  
“I know, but I don’t know how to help you stop being afraid.”  
“I don’t know either. Just…don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay? Please.”  
“Okay. I can do that. Do you want to take this test now?”  
“Yeah.”

I step back from him and he hands me a box. As I walk towards the bathroom I say:  
“Why don’t you put the boys in their own beds?”  
“Yeah, okay. I can do that.”  
I walk into the bathroom and take the test. While I’m waiting for the results, I brush my teeth and change into pyjamas. When it’s time, I look at the test and walk into the bedroom. I walk over to where Jax is sitting on the bed and I curl up on his lap before saying:  
“I’m pregnant.”  
We both start crying and he says:  
“Juice would be over the moon happy about this. He loved being a dad.”  
“I know.”  
“I’m sorry, Ronnie…I know you didn’t want to go through another pregnancy without him.”  
“No…I didn’t. But I have you and our boys…Everything will be okay.”  
“Yeah, it will. I miss him too, baby.”  
“I know. I love you.”  
“I love you. Let’s get some sleep, okay?”  
“Yeah.”

I climb off his lap and lay down on the bed as he gets up to change into pyjama pants. When he climbs into bed I curl up against him and rest my head on his chest, tracing his ‘Abel’ tattoo with my fingers as I say:  
“Are you going to get a tattoo for Xander?”  
“Yeah, I guess I need to still, huh?”  
“If you want.”  
“Of course I want to, I just haven’t yet. You know how much I love him.”  
“Yeah…”  
“What, Veronica?”  
“It’s just…he’s not really yours, so I would understand if you don’t want…”  
“Okay, stop talking. He is not mine biologically, just like Abel isn’t yours biologically. Do you consider Abel to be not yours?”  
“No. He’s mine.”  
“And Xander is mine. You are mine and Juice was mine. On what planet would you think that I wouldn’t consider Xander to be mine?”  
“I don’t know…I just assumed that it was different for you.”  
“Why the fuck would it be different for me?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Well, figure it out.”  
“I’m sorry, Jax, I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to figure out why you think that I don’t consider Xander to be mine.”  
“I don’t know, I don’t think I even do think that. I just…”  
“What?”  
“What if you change your mind?”  
“Have you gone insane?”  
“Probably.”  
“I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not going anywhere. I love you and would happily marry you tomorrow if you would agree. I adore Xander, I love him like I love Abel. They are both mine. They are our boys.”  
“I’m sorry. And I know you don’t want me to say that, but I am. I love you and I know you love me and our boys…And I know you’ll love this new baby no matter who the biological father is.”  
“Of course I will. That child is mine.”

I lift my head and kiss him before saying:  
“I love you. I know I’m crazy. I’m sorry.”  
He shakes his head and puts his hand on my cheek before rolling us so he’s on top of me.   
“You’re completely insane. I am so in love with you. I think that makes me crazy too.”  
I grin and say:  
“Probably. Show me how much you love me.”


	6. Six

When I wake up in the morning I hear voices coming from the kitchen, so I head out there. I find the boys eating breakfast and Jax and Chibs drinking coffee. I kiss everyone on the cheek and then sit on Jax’s lap and steal his coffee. I manage to take one drink before Jax takes it back and says:  
“No caffeine for you.”  
“Not fair. A cup of coffee isn’t going to hurt anything. You know how I get when I’m not caffeinated.”  
“No caffeine for you, pregnant lady. We are not taking any risks. If I thought I could get away with locking you in a padded room for the duration, I would.”  
“Nothing is going to happen to me, Jackson.”  
“We’re not risking it. You are possibly carrying the last piece of Juice we have. You will not take any risks, you will see the doctor more than is required, and you will always have a fully patched member with you. Always.”  
“Hey, Mr. Over Protective? You’re being insane.”  
“The last time you were pregnant you got kidnapped and raped. You killed a man, you had to have surgery, and then you fled to freaking Costa Rica.”  
“And Xander and I are just fine, love.”  
“But your pregnancy before Xander, someone tried to kill you and your baby died. That’s only a 50% success rate. I’m not risking it. I will not let anything happen to you while you are carrying this child.”  
“Jax…I need you to relax. I have enough anxiety being pregnant after what happened to Angelica, and now with Juice being gone…I can’t handle the added stress of you worrying my whole pregnancy. That’s not good for me or the baby. I will accept the bodyguard, I will minimize my caffeine intake, and I will see the doctor on a regular basis. But we are not going to be crazy about this, and I need you to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, okay?”

Chibs clears his throat and says:  
“You’re pregnant?”  
I nod and say:  
“We just found out. We’re not telling anyone yet.”  
“I won’t tell anyone, darlin’. Are you hoping it’s Juice’s?”  
“Yeah…I mean, I’ll be happy either way, but…”  
“But he’s not here anymore, and if the baby is his it’s like having a part of him back?”  
“Yeah.”

He stands up and kisses my cheek before walking over to the fridge and getting a glass of milk. He puts the milk in front of me and says:  
“I’ll make you some breakfast. What do you want?”  
“Scrambled eggs and fruit salad? I think I have some fruit salad in the fridge.”  
“I can do that.”

As he makes my breakfast, Jax tightens his arms around me and whispers:  
“I’m sorry. I will try to be more relaxed and just enjoy the pregnancy. I just…I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you or that baby.”  
“We’re going to be fine, babe. Just breathe.”  
“You promise?”  
“As much as I can, Jax.”  
“Yeah…okay. Get up for a second.”  
I stand up and he moves off of the chair before gently pushing me back down onto it.  
“Eat your breakfast. Chibs and I will get the boys ready.”  
Chibs puts my breakfast down in front of me and says:  
“Let’s go, Abel, my boy. We need to hose you down before getting you dressed.”

By the time I’m done eating and getting ready, they’re all sitting in the living room with Gemma. She smiles when I walk into the room and says:  
“You and the boys are going to ride with me since these two will be on their bikes.”  
“Sounds good. Thanks, Momma.”

When we all get to the cemetery Gemma, the boys, and I join Lyla and the kids in the front row seats. As the priest is talking, I feel Clay reach over and gently squeeze my arm before putting his hand back on Gemma’s shoulder. After the service finishes, I wrap my arm around Ellie’s shoulders and kiss the side of her head before saying:  
“How are you doing, sweetheart?”  
She shrugs and says:  
“Can we come to your house? I don’t want to go to the wake.”  
“Let’s talk to Daddy, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
We walk over to Opie and I say:  
“I’m taking the boys home and Ellie wants to come with me. Is that okay with you?”  
“You’re not coming to Pop’s wake?”  
“The boys and I can’t handle a party and Ellie doesn’t want to go, Ope. It’s a lot. You know it’s a lot.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. Will you take Kenny too?”  
“Of course.”  
I kiss his cheek and both kids and I walk back over to where Gemma and Jax are waiting with the boys. Jax says:  
“Kids coming home with us?”  
“Jax, you have to go to the wake.”  
“I don’t want to be away from you.”  
“The kids and I will be fine at home, love. You can’t skip the wake for your best friend’s dad.”  
“What about our agreement?”  
“I can’t pull anyone away from the wake, love. We’ll be fine at home alone.”  
“We just talked about this, Veronica…I can’t…”  
“Fine. Ask the guys. It can’t be you. Opie needs you.”  
“Do not go anywhere until someone is with you.”  
“Sir, yes sir.”

Jax rolls his eyes and walks away and Gemma says:  
“Why is he suddenly so extra over-protective?”  
“We’re not telling anyone else yet, but I’m pregnant. He’s freaking out because it might be Juice’s and he’s afraid of me losing it.”  
“He’s afraid of losing you too, baby. I’ve heard my son absolutely terrified twice in his life. Both times he thought he was losing you.”  
“When I was kidnapped and when I tried to kill myself.”  
“Yes. I don’t know if he would survive losing you after losing Juice.”  
“I’m not going anywhere, Gemma.”  
“I know that and you know that, but my son…he doesn’t believe it baby. He won’t let himself believe it.”  
“How do I make him believe it?”  
“I don’t know if you can, sweetheart. You just need to play along with his insecurity. Accept the bodyguards, take whatever other precautions he wants you to take.”  
“I told him I would.”  
“What you say and what you do don’t always line up, darlin’.”  
“I know. I’m trying, Gemma. I really am.”

Jax walks up with Chibs then. Chibs kisses my cheek and says:  
“I’m coming with you and the kids, doll.”  
“Thanks, Chibs.”  
Gemma hands Chibs her car keys and says:  
“Why don’t you take the kids to the car and let Jax and Veronica say goodbye?”  
“Yeah. Come on kids.”  
He takes Xander from Jax and says:  
“Abel, hold Ellie’s hand.”  
Ellie and Kenny both take Abel’s hands before they all walk towards the parking lot. Gemma leans over and kisses my cheek before walking over to Clay and saying:  
“You’re my ride, babe, let’s go.”

I turn and face Jax before saying:  
“I’m not going anywhere, Jackson. I know you are afraid of losing this baby, of losing me…But I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Juice didn’t think he was going anywhere either.”  
I step forward to wrap my arms around his waist and say:  
“I know, babe. And Juice fought to stay with us. What happened to him shouldn’t have happened. But I’m not going anywhere. You know how stubborn I am. There’s no way anyone is taking me away from you or those boys.”  
“I just can’t shake the feeling that something is going to happen.”  
“You only have that feeling because so much has happened lately. Maybe we need to take a break.”  
“Like, a vacation?”  
“A long weekend away. Us and the boys.”  
“Yeah…Yeah, that’d be good.”  
I kiss him and say:  
“Walk me to the parking lot, love.”  
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and we start walking towards the parking lot as he says:  
“I’m not staying at the wake long.”  
“You’ll stay however long you need to…For Opie.”  
“I don’t want to be away from you. I want to be home with you and our kids.”  
“I get that, I do. But your best friend buried his father today. Opie needs you. The boys and I will be just fine at home with Chibs until you get there. I mean, come on…The man lived with me between me getting back from Costa Rica and Juice getting out of prison. He’ll keep me safe. You know he will.”  
“I know he will. I just…”  
“Jackson. Everything will be alright. Let’s just get through today and then we can plan our weekend away, okay?”  
“Yeah, alright darlin’.”  
When we get to the car, he kisses me and then says:  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too. Go to the wake.”  
“Yes, ma’am.”  
He grins and winks at me as he walks backwards towards his bike and I get in the car with Chibs and the kids.

When we get home we feed the kids a snack and I put Xander down for a nap. As I’m walking out of the boys’ room, Abel says:  
“Mommy?”  
“Yeah, sweetheart?”  
“Can I have a nap in your bed?”  
“Of course.”  
“Can I hold one of Dad’s shirts?”  
I start crying and say:  
“Of course you can, Abel. Go climb into bed and I’ll get you a shirt.”  
I follow him into my bedroom and walk into the closet while he climbs into bed. While I’m in the closet I change out of my funeral dress into pyjama pants and one of Juice’s shirts before grabbing another shirt to give to Abel. I hand him the shirt and say:  
“Are you okay, sweetheart?”  
“Yes, Mommy. I just miss Dad.”  
“Yeah. Me too, baby. I’ll just be in the living room with Ellie, Kenny, and Chibs, okay?”  
“Yes, Mommy.”  
I lean over him and kiss his forehead before leaving the room and pulling the door mostly closed.

When I get out to the living room, the kids are sitting at the coffee table with a deck of cards and Chibs is sitting on the couch. I lay down on the couch with my head on Chibs’ lap and he starts running his fingers through my hair before saying:  
“How are you doing, Ronnie? Really?”  
“Shitty. Really, really shitty. It hurts, Chibs.”  
“How can I help, darlin’?”  
“You’re doing it.”  
We quietly watch the kids play cards for a while and then I softly say:  
“He knew about Angelica. His dad called him after her funeral. He knew and still didn’t come home.”  
“When did you find that out?”  
“When we went to Neptune to see his mom. He lied to me for years.”  
“Jesus Christ.”  
“I don’t know what to do with this information. I miss him so much, but right now I just wish he was here so I could slap him.”  
“I’m so sorry sweetheart.”  
“Why did he lie to me, Chibs? Why didn’t he come home? I needed him. I need him. Why did he leave me again?”  
I’m crying so hard I can barely breathe now and Chibs pulls me so I sit up before saying:  
“He did not want to leave you, darlin’.”  
“I know. I know he fought…I just, I hate that he’s gone, Chibs.”  
“I know sweetheart. Just breathe, okay?”  
I take a few deep breaths as he rubs my back and when I’m calm he says:  
“Let’s teach these kids to play poker.”  
“Sure.”  
We both move to the floor with the kids and play cards until Jax and Lyla get there.

Once Chibs and Lyla and the kids leave, Jax and I curl up on the couch together until the boys wake up.


End file.
